How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
