I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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