Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
