Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
