Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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