Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
