weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
