fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
