He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
