My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
