I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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