Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
