you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
