It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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