blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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