i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize