hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
