Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
