She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
