I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
