I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
