3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
