Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
