cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude i'm inner monologue high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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