Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I deserve this hangover.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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