this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
