Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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