just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
