Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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