proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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