The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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