While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
