i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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