the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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