i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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