i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
