oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
