i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm passing your future prison.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
