a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
