I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We have started to decorate penises.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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