his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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