I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
