You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
