Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
