Can i not drive my cunt home
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
