Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
