awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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