is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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