for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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