I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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