What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
