i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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