One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
