I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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