a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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