i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
