Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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