Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
