I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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