Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
