You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
