Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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