i barfeds in our rink
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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