I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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