We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize