i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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